I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
