Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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