Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
