There was a lot of him and a little penis
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
