im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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