So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize