Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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