I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize