Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
