I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
