well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
