Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
