She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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