I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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