every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he fucked my hip out of place.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize