I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
