operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
