i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
so much tequila, so little girl.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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