he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
