closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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