Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
