I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
