he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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