Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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