coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize