I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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