I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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