My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
