Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
