Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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