I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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