I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
