I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
