I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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