The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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