How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
