By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
