The maid of honor just puked.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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