I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
