WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
