i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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