Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
one might say we're banned from that church
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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