I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize