So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
