just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
smell my finger.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Randomize
