Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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