and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize