he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
