oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I think I am morally bankrupt
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
