He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
