can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
How external is "for external use only"?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
