He had one of those small greek statue penises
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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