shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
