Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
