Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
If I die, sorry about rent.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
