Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
