just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
