im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
it's like iHOP with fire
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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