Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
