i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize