You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
