Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
