this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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