someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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