I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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