i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
birth control should be required to get into college
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
