I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
