She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
