I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
