I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
