last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
