Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
