I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
