So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
