I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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