i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You took a bar mat shot.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize