My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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