dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
