Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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