Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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