I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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