I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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