your thong is hanging out like whoa
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
