I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
