Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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