how can u be prego again
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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