grandma shit on top of the toilet
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
