Farmville is her only friend.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
