Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize