He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
