Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
