and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
