I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
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